maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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