oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
