the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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