I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
