Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
