How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
