Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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