like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
