Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
