He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cannot find my penis.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
