Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
