I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
tell me about the eggs
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