Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
