dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
