I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
