She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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