I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
