the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
