Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
