She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
