p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
