If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
