so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
