I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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