just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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