yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
