areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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