he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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