Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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