the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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