i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
