if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
