He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
one might say we're banned from that church
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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