you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
