I wanna passion pit in your ass
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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