One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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