ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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