Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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