I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
