Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
