I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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