when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
