I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
