Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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