ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
