Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
