This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
