how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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