genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
