It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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