I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
