i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
