so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
