I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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