I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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