I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
